at the bottom of my gin cup
i found tea


from drinking to drinking tea all day

my notes from a decade wasted
my journey to sobriety and a little bit of tea
preparing for a meeting i have tomorrow at the BMA i grabbed the last empty molskine A had given me. she gave me a pile of them for our anniversary last year; special at the time, they hold even more significance for me now. some months ago, knowing i was feeling unwell, A hadn’t wanted to wake me one morning. i awoke to find this note attached to some books next to our bed. i kept it safe in this final molskine cause i liked it but had completely forgotten it was there. recently i’ve been considering my past and realised that much of my use of alcohol was simply to avoid any form of painful emotion - basically any emotion - however imagined or real.  finding this is horribly painful, an all too real reminder, yet the idea that alcohol could in anyway improve this situation, or how i feel, is completely alien to me. i like that. i like that i can now feel something other than numb. today i am 312 days sober.

preparing for a meeting i have tomorrow at the BMA i grabbed the last empty molskine A had given me. she gave me a pile of them for our anniversary last year; special at the time, they hold even more significance for me now.

some months ago, knowing i was feeling unwell, A hadn’t wanted to wake me one morning. i awoke to find this note attached to some books next to our bed. i kept it safe in this final molskine cause i liked it but had completely forgotten it was there.

recently i’ve been considering my past and realised that much of my use of alcohol was simply to avoid any form of painful emotion - basically any emotion - however imagined or real. 

finding this is horribly painful, an all too real reminder, yet the idea that alcohol could in anyway improve this situation, or how i feel, is completely alien to me.

i like that. i like that i can now feel something other than numb.

today i am 312 days sober.

  1. samanthawood04 reblogged this from gincup
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  4. sillisa said: Congratulations on your 312 days! For me, experiencing any emotion was overwhelming at first, I drank them away for so many years, so I know what you mean. I’m sorry you’re feeling pain today. I hope you feel better soon!
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